


1-800-273-8255

by halseam (orphan_account)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, I am so sorry, Implied/Referenced Self Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Oneshot, Suicide, even I’m considering not putting this out there, holy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 13:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13055121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/halseam
Summary: It was meeting in a coffee shoppe all those years ago, John shivering in his giant coat and maroon beanie and Alex clad in a green apron while making coffee. John ordering a hot chocolate, his cheeks stained light pink and Alex immediately having a crush.





	1-800-273-8255

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty lams one shot for tumblr user coolbeansboi  
> Follow me on tumblr at halseam and halseamhllow

It was meeting in a coffee shoppe all those years ago, John shivering in his giant coat and maroon beanie and Alex clad in a green apron while making coffee. John ordering a hot chocolate, his cheeks stained light pink and Alex immediately having a crush.  
It was John quickly becoming a regular at the coffee shop, either because of the handsome barista or the really good hot chocolate, he couldn’t say. He just knew he liked the place.  
It was Alex taking over shifts for Eliza and taking over the cashier position from Charles after he memorised when the cute costumer would come in. He found himself sneaking glances at him in the corner as he washed tables every day.  
It was John coming in even after winter was over to order iced coffees and muffins, hoping to gather the courage through his anxiety to ask the cute barista’s name and number, instead finding himself choked up and nervously occupying himself in the corner.  
It was Alex having Eliza take over the rest of his shift to go over to the cute costumer in the corner and ask his name. The costumer nervously replied with ‘John’ and Alex introduced himself in turn.  
It was John staying longer until Alex’s shift was over so they could sit and talk for an hour over a cup of coffee. The two found a pattern of doing this every day for months, consistent.  
It was Alex finally, after seven months of seeing each other daily, gathering the courage to ask for John’s phone number to keep in contact over the summer and keeping that promise, calling and texting every day.  
It was John coming out to his parents just before going back to school and them kicking him out, throwing him into a pit of self-hatred and depression. He stopped leaving his dorm, thinking it will do good.  
It was Alex wondering where John went, texting and calling him any chance he got, hoping that John would pick up one of those times.  
It was John hanging up calls and ignoring texts on a daily basis.  
It was Alex slowly giving up.  
It was John forgetting over the span of weeks.  
It was Alex being called from the back room to the front by Eliza vaguely.  
It was John slowly entering the coffee shoppe a few days before Christmas break.  
It was Alex letting John cry and apologise for ignoring him for so long, taking the shift off to walk John back to his dark dorm.  
It was John asking if he could spend the Christmas break with Alex’s family because of his own parents after clearing his eyes from the tears blinding him.  
It was Alex driving the two of them back to his aunt and uncles house for the Christmas break, John taking any chance he got to thank him.  
It was John meeting Alex’s aunt and cousins before anyone else, grinning at their welcoming hugs and happy faces, surprised anyone could be this happy to see him.  
It was Alex insisting that John doesn’t stay on the couch and instead they share a bed, not entirely supported by his aunt but he somehow convinces her and they end up sharing a bed for the entire week.  
It was John going to the coffee shoppe every day after class to do homework after they got back, sometimes helping Alex with his when he could, not telling anyone about the old habits he’s been picking up again due to the depression rising back up again.  
It was Alex getting the nerve to ask John out, encouraged by Eliza, getting an excited yes and planning the date for eight o’clock that night, grinning to himself until that time came along.  
It was John forgetting to study that night because of the date, forgetting to eat, to sleep, to barely even sit down from the excitement because maybe things would finally get better in regards to his sexuality! Maybe he would get a boyfriend and not wish he was dead half the time.  
It was Alex picking up an extremely giddy John that night and driving half an hour to a tiny restaurant, conversation limited between them, both excited for the events that are going to unravel.  
It was John slowly realising he is willing to spend the rest of his life with Alex.  
It was Alex slowly realising that this isn’t just a small crush but instead head-over-heels love.  
It was John going back to an empty apartment one year later completely exhausted, the sound of death seeming extremely attractive right then.  
It was Alex laughing at a movie with Eliza and her girlfriend, completely forgetting the stresses of the world for an hour and a half.  
It was John thinking back to all the homophonic slurs thrown his way, his parents kicking him out of their house, Alex’s family finding it strange when they announced their relationship, the hundreds of times that he has been proven useless and a waste of space.  
It was Alex leaving the theatre with Eliza and her girlfriend, talking excitedly about the movie.  
It was John letting tears stream down his face as wrote down the letter that Alex would inevitably read later, leaving it on the kitchen table for later.  
It was Alex sitting in the backseat of Eliza’s car as she slowly drove him back to his seemingly empty apartment.  
It was John opening the medicine cabinet with shaky hands and opening his antidepressants bottle.  
It was Alex’s heart skipping a beat because something doesn’t feel right.  
It was John taking seven pills in his hand with a mouthful of water and staring at his reflection in the mirror.  
It was Alex getting out of Eliza’s car, thanking her for the ride.  
It was John feeling his legs go weak, his vision blurry, his hands and face numb. This was it. He would finally be put out of his misery.  
It was Alex entering the apartment and seeing a paper on the kitchen table, reading it carefully, rushing to the bathroom to see John laying there, tear stains running down his face, his eyes staring at nothing.  
It is Alex sitting in the front row, clad in all black, sobbing uncontrollably because, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t help John get out of this depression.  
**_SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE IF YOU HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT SUICIDE._**


End file.
